Raw From the Mind.

Here's what's on my mind, in the raw:

• Hold Us Together- mainly because its playing on my itunes right now but I love this song. In this present moment I feel like things are unraveling, I'm tired, and there not much I want to deal with but this song sums up the way I feel right now. Like God is holding me together.
• Friends. I've got them. Good one and average ones. Ones I see daily, rarely and almost never. Ones I talk to often and others sporadically. I think its the ones that live far away are the ones that I treasure the most. There's people I miss but don't think I'd take the chance if given the opportunity live near them... Well maybe not. If I knew be close in proximity wouldn't change the depth of our friendship than I'd want them near. I think being close physically can ware out a friendship at least that's what tends to be the case for me. I tend to say, "ya, if were friends then" and the other person gets offended by the thought of us not being friends. This happened twice last year, I'm not nearly as close of friends with either of them as I use to be. Friends come and go but ones that are far away and begin that way are never affected by your daily life or location, they stay constant. Sometimes I wish I didn't care as much about people as I do. Sometimes I wish I cared more. I wish I could really impact someone's life. I'm present in many people's life but I don't impact other the way they impact and inspire me. I desire to be .010% of what Jesus was to the people he was around and not even in a religious way.
• I'm tired but need to shower. I'm tired but need to pray. I'm tired but need to answer this text message that I can't find words for. I'm tired but I need to do better. I'm tired.
• I'm getting sick, physically and emotionally. I'm weak and vulnerable, to disease and sin. I might come down with an illness but God will fill me with the Spirit because he is good (yes, those are references to two past posts). 
• I want to punch someone square in the face. That's real, a very real desire right now. Mainly because there's so much intangible crap going on right now that punching someone in the face is seems like a good tangible act to putting it all to rest. 
• My schedule scares me because there's so much on it. It's all work things but I don't like having a filled schedule.
• It's almost midterm time! That means I'm half way to finishing my classes and getting bad grades in some of them. I can't wait! It also means that I'm closer to flying away. I love to fly, there's too much to talk about as to why for this post but maybe another. 
• I start my beans and rice fast on Thursday (tomorrow). Fasting always makes me nervous because I don't want to become obsessed with weight lost. If you know me really well then you know my weight is something I fret about for like 15% of each day. I always want to be skinnier. I'm fearful when fasting that I'll loose sight of why I'm fast and focus on the weight but over these next two months I'm gonna give it my all to stay focused in the glorifying factor of fasting. 

There's a lot on my mind and I'm not going to reread this or check it so if there's any mistakes that's alright with me. Embrace the imperfections.