Today, as I skimmed through Facebook I noticed a comment on a photo that struck me. The person was commenting on the size of a guy’s nipples saying that they were the smallest nipples in the world. A strange comment in itself but it made me think of a comment my aunt made to me the other day. My aunt was commenting on the excessive amount of hair I had growing from my head and face.
She said, “unfortunately, people will judge you and you don’t want them to think badly or little of you before they get to know you.”
To which my mother said, “I understand what you’re saying but I don’t think his hair necessarily detracts from the kind of person he is.”
To which my aunt responded, “yes, but that is because we already know the true James.”
To which I said, “I don’t want to associate with people who don’t want to know me because of the way I look. The way someone looks would never stop me from getting to know them and I want to be friends with people who are like me.”
The conversation volleyed a few more remarks before fading away, but when I read the comment on Facebook I couldn’t help but be reminded of it. Nipples. One cannot even have tiny nipples without eliciting a remark from someone. My aunt was right, unfortunately people will judge me before ever knowing me; however, it’s unfortunate for reasons other then some people choosing to think I’m homeless or a terrorist or even worse, A HOMELESS TERRORIST! It’s unfortunate because there are people who hate themselves based on what others think of them. Right this moment there are people attempting to starve themselves into acceptance and when that doesn’t work they are heaving themselves over the toilet to empty as much stomach content as possible. It’s unfortunate because right this moment there are people undergoing surgery so that when others look at them they’ll be more widely accepted. It’s unfortunate because there are hundreds of millions of people around the world abusing drugs and alcohol in an attempt to forget how unfortunate they are.
What’s even more unfortunate though, is how easy it is for us to propagate the notion of visual acceptance. I say us because I am far from being free of this. I care way too much about the way others look at me, which I take in and then regurgitate into a shallow web of opinion and thought processes. I have become so numbed to the effects of visual judgment that I will without thought mention to someone how small their ears are, how orange their skin is, how outgrown their hair is, how chapped their lips are, how abnormally tall they are, etc which are sadly all real instances. This is the most unfortunate of it all. That I accept it, is shameful and disgusting.
Yet, there is beauty to this all. We’re all unfortunate. We’ll never appease others and will always struggle to satisfy our opinions. I’ll never meet the romantic vision of self and life that I have in my head. I’ll never look a way that everyone else approves of. I can though, be everything the Lord wants me to be. I can exist from a place of love. I can see past opinion. I can think beyond my typical thought process. I can notice a trait unique to someone else and use it to encourage that person. I can propagate differences. I can choose to see souls rather than bodies. I can know love, I can love, and I can be love; and in love I can choose an acceptance beyond visual acceptance.
Although I don’t struggle with befriending people because they look or are a certain way I don’t do anything to live in resistance to the acceptance of being unfortunate. I don’t use the radical grace of Jesus to stir me into a blind love. I don’t consciously choose to live beyond the chains of visual acceptance or to partner with the Lord in an attempt to remove them entirely. This is unfortunate but so are we all, which is why we are fortunate to have a God who contends for his people. Who provides acceptance and changes hearts.
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